Project SalvaciÃ³n

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

I read your post on Friday, April 06, 2007. Finally, that is. I lost your blog address when you told me to take it down to prevent someone from finding it. But now, a lot to catch up on.

This Post Is Dedicated Solely To...
AMELIA MAK

Just your very own post. No other names will be mentioned. Everything is censored. Like F*****a? Or J****a? Can't type them. I'll not censor important names to keep the post going.

My name is A***l A***y T******t T*n. Just testing.

Yes its just for you.

Now I'm sure people have seen this photo.

I apparently missed out a very important person.

See? It IS there :)

Everyone see that? Her name's AMELIA MAK !

She might think I'm afraid to tell my friends about her or let them see us outside.

I am afraid..

Afraid that's not the case, dear girl! Haha

If you want I'll get a T-Shirt with a giant neon arrow saying "This is Amelia" if you want. If they do actually make those. And if they are actually safe for street wear. Electrocution isn't as fun.

Who is Amelia? Wouldn't you like to know? I wouldn't mind if she came to St Patrick's for a walk around. After all, we did walk around East Coast Park with my form teacher himself trailing me around right?

I'm not afraid to let people know. But I am afraid of Eugene. Scary little fellow isn't he? Remember that day we first time when we went to Novena? The day I told you I'll be moving from Lorong Ah Soo back to Bedok and I probably won't get to go out with you as much? That never stopped me, did it? We still hung out. I still wanted to go out. I still smiled to myself whenever you smsed. Nothing changed. Even if you move to Perth, nothing will change. I take the rather "infamous" quote from J***n A**x (a.k.a Knygt) on a forum notice board.

"There's a whole world that someone can run around in. There's billions of people in crowds that someone can hide in. All it takes is a little effort and a few helpful hints and you'll find that one person in billions."

That was in response to a question when someone asked how will Knygt find his childhood friend.

You want to know a secret, Amelia?

I knew I'd go out with out before I even knew you. Before I even talked to Eugene a lot.

I dreamt about a bus ride. On the way to Suntec City, when the bus was turning off the express way. I don't remember the exact details. But I remember I sat next to a girl wearing blue. She had a rather tanned skin tone. Hair was relatively long. She was looking out the window. Time stopped just at that. I didn't think the girl was important till it just occured to me nothing else was going on at that point. No one else was important. The bus was packed but no one else seemed to be important. Like those background characters in a cheap chinese drama. You see them but they don't stand out.

Now, do you remember that day we went to Suntec City from East Coast Park? It's exactly like that isn't it? That dream was in January 2006. I initially thought that would be Charmaine, my friend's friend. But I have no reason to talk to her anwyway. And I think her hair's shorter than "dreamt".

Knygt also told me one thing. In November 2005. My birthday too. He said that I'll have someone who might actually listen, talk, and tell stuff to and this was going to be before my 16th birthday. Which I felt was utter rubbish then.

Right now, I told him about you in February, after the first few times we had gone snooping around. There only was a light sarcastic smile and a "I told you so" soon followed.

Back to Eugene. We went to Novena that day. We had Burger King. I remember that. I said that the cashier was a "weird, incompetent idiot". Anyway, I misplaced my books that day, in Toa Payoh Library. You told me to call Eugene to go pick up the books if he could find them. What you didn't know then was, Eugene was suspecting I was going to meet you and he was practically interrogating me. I kept cool and tried to bluff my way out. It was really funny how he insisted to accompany me to the library and anywhere I go in Toa Payoh. Although I already knew my way around since I stayed in Lorong Ah Soo, which isn't far from Toa Payoh.

I remember you offered to meet me at the library. My phone beeped quite loudly at that point. Eugene was already edgy. Raising an eyebrow and trying to figure out what was going on. The one question he kept asking was,

"So what are you going to do in Toa Payoh? Planning to meet someone?"

I said no at that point. He was starting to creep me out. Which is why I suggested we go Bishan and meet up there instead. Not that I didn't want him to know I was hanging out with you. But would you really want someone around who's really starting to get suspicious of his classmate? My opinion? Not too keen on him around at that point.

I tried my best to keep you talking to me. Even going so far as to cheat and lie to delete a phone number. I remember whispering to Eugene,

"Amelia wants the number gone and deleted. Right now. Think you got the balls?"

He, of course couldn't bring himself to do that, so I did that for him. Left for recess and smsed you 3 minutes later.

I'm sorry we don't hang out as much as anyone else would consider normal.
Because I don't want to get too used to relying on you too much.
I'm sorry I don't talk as much as you'd like.
Because I'm afraid I'll say something you don't like and you'll hate me forever.
I'm sorry I made you feel as if I didn't care about what happens to you.
Because I dared to talk but didn't dare to prove that I really would care if anything happens.

If I could do anything to make you forgive me, just say it. I would try.

I don't and probably never will, understand what you go through. What's having siblings like or how your parents treat you. But just give me that chance and tell me what you think I can't "understand" and I promise I will at least try to comprehend.

10:39 PM